McNaughton referred to Stephen Hart’s video from ProActive ReSolutions.

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Elaine Froese
Certified Farm Family Coach
Elaine Froese, CSP, CAFA, CHICoach and her team of coaches are here to help you find harmony thro...

I love the idea of being proactive rather than reactive to bad behaviour in the workplace.

Employers should give everyone a safe environment to work in. Even gossiping is an abrasive behaviour. As a farm family coach, I encourage families to stop talking about each other, which creates gossip triangles. Instead, go directly to speak to the person you have the issue with.

How do you manage abrasive behaviour?

Abrasion is the process of wearing down or rubbing away by means of friction. Rubbing people the wrong way, co-workers for example, can wear them down.

The top five behaviours abrasive employees display include: overreacting, over-controlling, threatening, public humiliation and condescension.

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If abrasive behaviour is not stopped, then it gets worse. The fallout from ongoing abusive behaviour has a huge negative impact on farms. It can result in lower morale and productivity, legal cases, retaliation, sabotage and homicide.

Symptoms of chronic abrasion

One symptom is continuing complaints (negative perceptions) brought on by employees. Who likes to work with a bunch of whiners? Do you have a complaint system on your farm for informal and formal complaints?

Comments like, “Don’t get on their bad side or you will pay if you do” are symptoms of chronic abrasion.

Are you devoting excessive managerial time to address employee distress? Leadership loses credibility when there is a failure to intervene. Don’t see intervention as weakness. Do not condone abrasive behaviour. If you do, you’ll be dealing with people leaving (increased attrition) and more sick time.

Here are the assumptions of abrasive people:

  • Fully aware – They are fully aware of what they are doing to the workplace culture. I don’t think this is true, as some highly conflicted families see daily fighting and abrasiveness as “normal.” This is not good.

  • Intent to cause harm – What is the true intent of the bully with nasty behaviour?

  • Means through aggression and intimidation – These bad actors thrive on intimidation as the pattern that is their daily mode of operation. It is all they know.

  • Behaviour will not change – Yikes. This is serious; if you really don’t think the abrasive person can change to more workable, kind behaviour, then what are you going to do about the person who is making your farm a toxic place to be?

Farm families need to build awareness to create change. The good news is: Abrasive behaviour is coachable. The bad news is: The abrasive behaviour may be a long-term pattern of a founder parent. Are you ready to stand up to your parent?

People with nasty behaviour need coaching, mentoring and supporting.

What good managers do

Good managers see a problem, explore the cause and assess if the employee is unable or unwilling to change. To address the problem: Provide resources, training, set limits and consequences. Then you have to follow up.

McNaughton says to make sure you “document everything.”

Abrasive managers see an abrasive problem and say, “You’ll pay if you get in their way.” Their business is survival, and they just want to go about their business. They defend against threats to their survival with aggression. Threat, anxiety and then defense is the pattern.

You can choose “fight or flight” – or choose to walk through the threatening issue rationally.

Work through it

Abrasive people fear loss of connection with abandonment anxiety (physical, personal, mental) or work relationship or loss of life with loss of credibility.

By intervening, focus on the evidence versus negative perceptions; get to the root of the problem to change the behaviour.

Some managers take on the following defense tactics:

  • “Nobody’s perfect” rationalization: So you keep accepting bad behaviour.

  • Projection: “He’s got difficult employees.”

  • Minimizing: “You’re making too much of this.”

  • Procrastination: “It won’t be long before she retires.” I think procrastination is killing many good decision opportunities on farms in 2017.

Other managers don’t intervene for fear of being harmed or doing harm. They fear or recall past intervention efforts that have not gone well. They believe people cannot change. They see the only option as termination.

Failure to address bad behaviour actually promotes more bad behaviour. I have often said, “You get the behaviour you accept.”

Differentiate performance versus conduct

Performance is the execution of the technical requirement of one’s job. When you intervene, make them see the impact of their behaviour. “Do you see what your behaviour is doing to us?” Focus on evidence versus negative perceptions. What is the documentation?

“We need to have you turn this around, Charlie.” Make them care enough to want to change. Offer help and training.

Your perceptions are your reality. Perceptions are powerful, so you need guidelines and consequences. List the direct and indirect perceptions. What have you observed? What has to change? They have to buy in to changing.

Treat them with respect. Are you ready to take control and be a manager?

Make them care enough to change

Prepare yourself to conduct the interview. What are the threats posed to you, others and the farm by intervening? What are your anxieties? What is the worst-case scenario?

Explain why you are meeting, and make them see the negative perceptions. Make them care enough to want to change. Offer help. Monitor for improvement.

Describe the individual’s value to you. Explain you owe them information. Explain the behaviour is the problem. Negative perceptions about their style of interacting with others is the problem.

Say, “I observed …” Avoid generalities. Describe their impact … e.g., people felt intimidated. Set limits and consequences.

Solutions

You need to be a proactive leader on your farm team. Utilize internal mentoring, employee assistance programs for stress-related issues and external specialized coaching (anger management, personal issues, etc.).

Stick to your guns; don’t get into a war of words. Stick to your objectives.  end mark

Elaine Froese helps farm families communicate better and resolve conflict. Visit Elaine Froese for more tools. Be kind and gracious to all you work with, and make your farm an amazing, fun workplace.

Elaine Froese